Plan Ahead – Setting up at Home | Field Guide to Being an Awesome Birth Partner

This is the third in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.

Most men like having something tangible to do. We feel a lot better if we can see we’re accomplishing something, instead of reading “this week in your pregnancy” emails and waiting.

Fortunately for men and female birth partners that have a handy inclination, there are usually some things that need to be done around home to prepare for a baby.

The Nursery

Obviously, you’ll need to help set up the nursery. Assemble the crib, get the dresser moved in (just a bit to the left, no, too far, back a bit), hang pictures, set up the changing station, set up a bassinet if that’s part of the plan–all that is important. It’s important to have it done so that baby has a safe and comfortable place to come home to. It’s also important because having those things done will help mom-to-be feel cared for. Her sense of being cared for and supported will set the tone for the birthing room.

(With that tone-setting in mind, here is a caution for guys who tend to grumble through the honey-do lists: suck it up and do this stuff cheerfully. You can negotiate a time that works well for both you and her, but don’t be a grump when you’re doing it. When you’re on the field, have your “game face” on. In this case, your “game face” is helpful, decidedly non-grumpy, and definitely non-resentful. Think of this as practice, if you must.)

The Car Seat

Besides the nursery, install the car seat in whatever vehicle you’re planning to take to the hospital. It’s not hard (after years of practice, I can install a baby car seat in a vehicle without latch in less than a minute). Even though it’s not hard, it will take a while the first time you do it. Make sure to read the manual. Your baby (or if you’re a non-father birth partner, the baby of a woman you care about) is going into that seat. In fact, read the manual for the car and the car seat, give yourself plenty of time, and get the car seat installed solidly.

Many communities offer free car seat safety checks. Search for [your city name] car seat check, and you will probably find some information. Your birthing center or your non-emergency police line may also be able to direct you to the right place. The checks aren’t absolutely required, but they will give you peace of mind knowing that baby will be safe as possible in the car seat you just installed.

Once the car seat is installed, take one more step, just in case. Find two clean towels and tuck them in a large, clean garbage bag. Put the bag of towels in the car seat or somewhere else within easy reach. You will probably not need them, but if the drive to the hospital becomes unexpectedly and messily eventful, you’ll be glad they’re there.

Contraction Timing

At some point, when labor starts, you’ll need to time contractions. You can time using a clock (or watch, or timer) and paper, or you can use technology to help you out.

If you want to time by hand, search for “timing contractions”, or read about the basics of timing contractions. Time a few imaginary practice contractions to make sure you understand the method.

Unless you have to, don’t time by hand. Just don’t. Get an app for your handheld electronic device of choice, or find an online contraction timer that works with your device. Figure out how to use it. It should be ridiculously simple. It’s portable. It frees you up from doing time arithmetic and lets you focus on supporting the lovely woman having contractions.

(With that in mind, don’t use the contraction timer app as a gateway to distractions. Don’t switch from the contraction timer to a game or web surfing. That’s not supportive, and even during a contraction, she will pick up on your drifting attention.)

Other Miscellaneous Set-Up Tasks

Put the doctor and/or hospital’s phone number in your phone
Help the mother-to-be arrange outfits, diapers, etc in the nursery
Pack as much as possible (this will be covered by a future post)
Arrange for someone to care for pets or already-born kids
Sign up for hospital birthing classes if they’re offered (this will be covered by a future post)

When?

Due dates are educated guesses based on statistics and calendars. Baby’s due date is not the same as your target completion date.

Aim to have your set-up tasks finished a month before the due date. Doing so will mean reduced stress for everyone as the due date approaches–or having everything ready if baby comes early. Either way, planning to be set up early is a good idea.

Next up in the series: Plan Ahead – Take Birthing Classes

Field Guide to Being an Awesome Birth Partner

Everything you need to know to do a great job as a birth partner, without a lot of stuff you don't.