As a birth partner, even if you’re doing your best, you probably will make at least one mistake along the way. (If you’re not trying, you’re already making a mistake.) Mistakes happen. Maybe you step out for a restroom break and miss something important. Maybe your comfort technique suggestions become irritating. Maybe you say the wrong thing. There are lots of possibilities–I’m sure you get the idea.
When you recognize that you have made a mistake, the first thing you need to do is remind yourself that mistakes happen. You can forgive yourself for it and move past the mistake. If you wallow in the mistake, you’re taking your focus off the woman you’re supposed to be helping, and put your focus on yourself. So don’t do that.
Depending on what the mistake was, you may want to apologize before you move on. “I’m sorry my bathroom break took so long. I’ll spare you the details, but I really did get back as fast as I could. Now that I’m back, what can I do to help you?” Asking what you can do for her moves the focus away from you and back to her.
She might be angry with you. You might deserve it. Whether you feel like you deserve it or not, remember that your whole reason for being there is to love and support her through labor. You’re not there for you, you’re not there to make sure she does things your way, you’re not there to make sure she does things “right”, and you’re certainly not there because you can do all of this for her. You’re there to love and support her. So if she’s angry, accept that you did something that she perceived as unloving or unsupportive. Apologize and turn the focus back to her. Do not get angry back at her (or, if you do get angry, let the anger go right away).
NFL cornerbacks often talk about taking things one play at a time. They know that sometimes, no matter how well they’re playing, they’ll be responsible for covering a receiver that ends up making a great catch. They also know that after making a huge coverage mistake, they can go out, intercept a pass, and return it for a touchdown. They can’t let themselves get too high or too low after any one play.
As a birth partner, take things one “play” at a time. You might make a mistake. Shake it off (doing what’s needed to make things right) and move past it. Don’t get too down on yourself. You have the chance to go right back and recover.