“Heck no. I’m not good at that touchy-feely stuff. I’ll build the crib, but I’m a man, not some ‘birth partner’ person.”
Would it surprise you to know that some men view being a good birth partner as “touchy-feely” and not particularly manly?
Some men have that view because they understand themselves well. They realize that they are not naturally empathetic. They are used to powering through difficulty and getting things done. They understand that their strength and power don’t easily translate to being a good birth partner. They may not use those words, but those are the feelings they have.
Some men have that view because they are being selfish. Being a birth partner, whatever that is, kind of sounds like hard work. Besides that, it’s going to take preparation to be able to do a good job. They feel like being physically present in the birthing room should be enough, and that support from the doctors and nurses should be enough to get the mother-to-be through labor.
Most men have had some of those thoughts, both from selfishness and from self-understanding. Being a birth partner is not something that we get trained to do. It’s something we end up doing, winging it the whole time, and just hoping to get through it. We don’t like the idea of failing, but–being untrained and unprepared–we feel like we’re set up for failure.
And so we think of reasons we’re not qualified. Or too tough and manly to become qualified.
Absolutely understandable, guys.
Keep thinking about it, though, and you come to a different conclusion. Who better than a tough, manly man to do something difficult for someone he loves? Who better than someone used to powering through difficulty to be supportive and gentle and loving through a long and difficult labor? Who better than a man, knowing he can do pretty much whatever he puts his mind to, to put his mind to being the best possible birth partner he can?
That’s right, nobody better. Guys, who can do a better job than you, if you decide you’re going to do something? That’s right. Nobody. You–you–can be a great birth support person.
Think of it this way: your mission is to get this woman (your wife, girlfriend, etc.) through childbirth in the best possible physical and emotional condition. With a little bit of preparation and training, this is an achievable goal. You don’t have to read all of her pregnancy books or anything like that. Do some research on your own, or find a book focused on teaching birth partners exactly what they need to know, and get trained for your mission.
Once you’re equipped, you’ll be ready to demonstrate that you’re not just a tough guy. You’ll be ready to demonstrate that you’re tough enough to be an awesome birth partner.