Yeah, so I’ve read about what a birth partner is, and why I need to be involved, and all that stuff. And you say that a guy needs to be tough to be a birth partner. I’m just not that kind of guy though. I’m not good at being gentle, and I I know I’m going to say the wrong thing if I try.
– Some Guy
Some guys feel like they’re too tough to be a birth partner. Some guys realize their limitations–they’re not good at coming up with the right words at the right time, or they’re clumsy, or they’re manual laborers with big rough hands.
Knowing your limitations is a good thing.
Letting your limitations loom too large in your mind is a bad thing. Doing that can focus you on your limitations instead of your capabilities.
To be perfectly blunt about this, you (assuming you’re the father of this particular baby) somehow were capable enough that the lovely woman about to become the mother of your baby chose you. Start with that.
Being a birth partner can be hard work. Maybe it’d be easier if you were better with words, or could easily memorize a whole bunch of comfort techniques, or had a medical degree. But those really aren’t the important things.
The important thing in being a birth partner is to love and support the mother in labor. That can be as simple as paying attention to her, holding her hand, and telling her “I love you, you can do this.” If you’re not good with words, figure out what you can do without words–gentle touches, comfort techniques, or smiles might be good options. If you’re worried about being clumsy, figure out what you can do–smiles and reassuring words while remembering to be a bit extra-careful.
Don’t count yourself out just because you’re not perfect. You can still help that special woman through labor. Focus on the things you can do, not the things you can’t. She’ll be glad you did!