This one’s for you guys that are about to be a birth partner for the birth of your first child. Those of you that already have kids, or those of you that aren’t male (and hence, won’t qualify for “fatherhood” anyway) are welcome to read and try to apply this to your situation. Also, I will use the term “wife” to refer to the woman who you are helping through labor. If that’s not the right term for your situation, adjust as needed. It’s much less cumbersome than “wife/girlfriend/partner/companion/friend/ex-wife/ex-girlfriend/etc”.
The impending birth of your first child is pretty exciting. It can also fill you with questions. “Will I be a good dad?” “Will I have any idea what to do?” “How am I supposed to take care of my kid and teach him/her everything he/she needs to know?”
Those kinds of questions are common, and they’re questions you’ll have to answer for yourself. You can be as prepared as you want, but you’ll still have questions, doubts, uncertainty. That’s normal. You’re stepping into a new role, one that you haven’t gotten to practice. It’ll be an adventure for everyone involved.
One of the best things you can do to prepare for fatherhood is to use being a birth partner as a training camp. During your training camp, you should learn some practical skills you’ll need to know (e.g. diapering and bathing a baby), practice some skills you already have (e.g. loving your wife and being patient through uncertainty), and develop or improve some emotional skills (e.g. putting another human being’s comfort and safety ahead of your own).
I don’t know what kind of background you have: whether you had a good model of fatherhood growing up or what kind of models of fatherhood people around you in your adult life have been. But somewhere, you probably have an idea of the kind of father you want to be. If not, let me give you a vision (and this one’s off the cuff–feel free to develop your own, better vision): you want to be and you can be a father that is physically and emotionally present for your kid(s), a strong protector and tender enough that your kid(s) will run to you to kiss their bumps and scrapes, a man that’s willing to sacrifice his own comfort and preferences for the good of his wife and kid(s), and an intentional parent that sets a direction for your family that’s best for everyone–all of this because you know that being that kind of father will be more rewarding than looking out for yourself.
So take your vision of fatherhood and apply it now, before your kid is born, and before you officially take on your new role. Practice being a strong protector by making sure you’re equipped to protect and help your wife through labor. Practice being tender by equipping yourself to gently comfort her during labor (not just with physical comfort techniques, but with encouraging or distracting words). Practice being physically and emotionally present by turning off the TV, putting away your smartphone (unless you’re timing contractions), and pay attention to your wife so that you can respond to or even anticipate her needs.
If you take your vision for fatherhood and use that to organize your fatherhood training camp, you’ll be much better equipped to be a father. And just like a coach might say of a promising rookie “Yep, he had a great training camp. Throws great, moves great. He’ll be starting our first game. He’s got a lot of room to improve, but he showed us that he’s got the tools to succeed”, your wife will be excited about your potential. “Yep, he’s been a great partner. Surprisingly gentle, but never gave up, and always put me first. We’ve both got a lot to learn about taking care of our baby, but he’s going to be–he already is–a great dad.”