One of your roles as a birth partner is to act as an “advocate”. That’s not a common word these days, so it’s natural to have questions about what an advocate should do.
An advocate is a person that promotes the best interests of another. Simply put, as an advocate, you promote someone else’s best interests and do what you can to help them through their situation.
That’s pretty abstract, so let’s get a bit more specific. In the birthing room, there’s a woman busy trying to have a baby. That’s generally considered a difficult task that can take some effort. So she would benefit from not having to deal with extra details.
Think of it like she’s a professional athlete, and you’re her agent. Her job is to play her sport. She doesn’t need to worry about the details of negotiating a new contract, or calling UnderArmour back about that endorsement deal, or arranging plane tickets to get to that charity event. That’s your job. You take care of those details so she can do her job better.
And now, back to the birthing room. You can be a good advocate or a bad advocate. I’m going to suggest being a good advocate. That means understanding what she needs (asking can be helpful), making things that you can make happen happen (say, getting her a drink of water), and making sure her concerns and needs are addressed by the medical staff (“excuse me, nurse, she says something doesn’t feel right”).
Remember that your interactions with the medical staff can have a big impact on the tone in the birthing room. Be assertive. That means making sure your (her) concerns are heard and understood, without being aggressive or a jerk.
You’re looking out for her best interests. That means making sure she’s taken care of, and it also means that her entire support team (you, the medical staff, anyone else in the birthing room with you, people texting or Facebooking) is doing their best to make sure her needs are met and to act supportively.
[There is more about being an advocate, including scripts for being a good (or bad) advocate through requesting a replacement nurse, in the Field Guide to Being an Awesome Birth Partner.]