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Timing Contractions

Posted by matt on February 16, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: contractions, Early labor. Leave a Comment

It’s very rare that a pregnant woman declares “it’s time!” out of the blue. Sometimes, her water will break unexpectedly, or something just won’t feel right, and it’ll be obvious.

Most of the time, the drive to the hospital happens after timing contractions for a while. In the very early part of labor, contractions start, getting closer together as labor progresses. The general rule for when it’s time is 5-1-1: contractions five minutes apart, lasting one minute each, for an hour (as always, a doctor’s advice should overrule any guidance from this blog).

In short, timing contractions is a way to figure out when it’s time to head to the hospital.

There are two ways to time contractions: manually with a clock or watch, or with electronic assistance. I highly recommend electronic assistance. The manual approach is much more tedious at a time when your mind should be focused on assisting the woman having the contractions.

Manual Timing

To time contractions manually, you’ll need paper, a writing utensil, and a clock or watch that shows seconds.

Create four columns on the paper: Start Time, End Time, Duration, and Time Between
When a contraction begins, write the time down in the Start Time column
When the contraction ends, write the time down in the End Time column
Calculate the Duration of the contraction:
Duration = (End Time – Start Time)
Write the Duration down.
If this is not the first contraction you have recorded, calculate the Time Between contractions:
Time Between = (Start Time of previous contraction – Start Time of this contraction)
Write the Time Between down.

Here is an example:

Start Time	End Time	Duration	Time Between
8:44:10	8:44:45	35 seconds	–
8:55:10	8:56:10	1 minute	11 minutes
9:00:30	9:00:50	20 seconds	5 minutes 20 seconds

It’s not complicated, but it takes your focus away from being a good birth partner and puts it on a clock. Besides that, time arithmetic is tedious enough under normal circumstances.
If you’re at all able to, use electronic assistance.

Timing with Electronic Assistance

Using a smartphone or other electronic device is much simpler. Usually, there’s a “Start” button to push when a contraction starts. When the contraction ends, hit “End”. They do all the timekeeping and arithmetic for you.

If you have a smartphone or similar device, search your app store for “contraction timer”, find one that looks good and has good reviews, and install it. Try it out to make sure you’ll like it. (There are websites that provide similar contraction-timing functionality, if you prefer that.)

One caution when it comes to using electronic assistance: don’t get distracted by your electronic device. Games or web-surfing will take your focus off the woman you’re trying to help. Then she’ll be contracting and annoyed. When you’re timing contractions, just use your device for timing contractions.

Recovering from Mistakes

Posted by matt on February 12, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Mistakes. Leave a Comment

As a birth partner, even if you’re doing your best, you probably will make at least one mistake along the way. (If you’re not trying, you’re already making a mistake.) Mistakes happen. Maybe you step out for a restroom break and miss something important. Maybe your comfort technique suggestions become irritating. Maybe you say the wrong thing. There are lots of possibilities–I’m sure you get the idea.

When you recognize that you have made a mistake, the first thing you need to do is remind yourself that mistakes happen. You can forgive yourself for it and move past the mistake. If you wallow in the mistake, you’re taking your focus off the woman you’re supposed to be helping, and put your focus on yourself. So don’t do that.

Depending on what the mistake was, you may want to apologize before you move on. “I’m sorry my bathroom break took so long. I’ll spare you the details, but I really did get back as fast as I could. Now that I’m back, what can I do to help you?” Asking what you can do for her moves the focus away from you and back to her.

She might be angry with you. You might deserve it. Whether you feel like you deserve it or not, remember that your whole reason for being there is to love and support her through labor. You’re not there for you, you’re not there to make sure she does things your way, you’re not there to make sure she does things “right”, and you’re certainly not there because you can do all of this for her. You’re there to love and support her. So if she’s angry, accept that you did something that she perceived as unloving or unsupportive. Apologize and turn the focus back to her. Do not get angry back at her (or, if you do get angry, let the anger go right away).

NFL cornerbacks often talk about taking things one play at a time. They know that sometimes, no matter how well they’re playing, they’ll be responsible for covering a receiver that ends up making a great catch. They also know that after making a huge coverage mistake, they can go out, intercept a pass, and return it for a touchdown. They can’t let themselves get too high or too low after any one play.

As a birth partner, take things one “play” at a time. You might make a mistake. Shake it off (doing what’s needed to make things right) and move past it. Don’t get too down on yourself. You have the chance to go right back and recover.

Stages of Labor

Posted by matt on February 9, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Labor. Leave a Comment

Think back to junior high health class, when they made you watch a birth video. You’re smart enough to know that the video probably didn’t cover the whole labor process. From what I remember, though, the video my class watched just covered the second-to-last stage of labor.

You might be skeptical about that “second-to-last” thing. You saw the part where the baby popped out. Then you stop to think. Wait a second. There are different stages of labor?

Yep. Not only that, but one of them has at least two phases (with the second phase having two parts). As a birth partner, you need to understand what you’ll need to do to be supportive during each stage, phase, and part. Please understand that this describes a typical labor, and every labor is different. This also describes a full-term labor–pre-term labor warrants a call to your doctor.

In the case of any contradiction between what’s written here and what a doctor says, believe the doctor.

Stage 1 – Early and Active Labor

This is the longest stage of labor. It begins with early labor.

Phase One – Early Labor

The first phase of the first stage of labor starts when “real” (not Braxton-Hicks contractions) become regular.

Your first step is to keep calm and relax. Sometimes, regular contractions stop. There’s (usually) no need to rush to the hospital until contractions are regular and close together. “5-1-1” is the usual rule: contractions 5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, over a 1-hour duration.

If contractions start becoming more regular, you can start timing contractions and getting your last-minute packing done. Besides that, you and mom-to-be can continue with normal activities. You can go for a walk, do light household chores, hang out and do things you enjoy–anything that’s comfortable for her, that you both enjoy, and that helps pass the time until you’re sure it’s really labor.

During this time, make sure she gets food and rest. She’ll need energy for the rest of labor.

Once it’s time, calmly head to the hospital with everything you’ll need.

Phase Two – Active Labor

Active labor is the phase in which contractions get stronger and more frequent, and possibly more painful. It’s not time for pushing yet.

During active labor, which is usually surprisingly uneventful, mother-in-progress needs your attention, understanding, and help. She might need comfort or a distraction. She needs to keep hydrated.

If she needs comfort, you can try comfort techniques or simply helping her move around. Gentle physical contact (holding hands, slow dancing, etc) can be reassuring and comforting.

If she needs a distraction, find something she likes: music, board or card games, a good book (you might want to read the book to her–your voice might be helpful).

It’s okay to ask her what she wants or needs every so often. Don’t be annoying and ask too often. Feel free to suggest something in particular if you think she needs it.

Phase Two, Part Two – Transition

Transition is the last part of active labor. It usually begins at 7 or 8 cm dilated.

Transition is also rough on everyone. It’s usually the hardest, most intense part of labor. Contractions are even longer and more frequent–in fact, they can even overlap or double-peak.

If you are paying attention, you will notice transition starting. There are a variety of possible physical and psychological signs. Generally speaking, her body is going crazy, she’s tired, and her brain is trying to keep everything together.

She needs all the help you can give. Since each transition is different (even from one pregnancy to the next for the same woman), it’s up to you to pay careful attention to her and do your best to get her through it. You need to be strong for her, but gentle and soft at the same time. Keep rational, but keep a loving focus on her. Stay with her through all of transition.

The best encouragement I can give you is this: transition won’t last long (usually about 30-45 minutes).

Stage 2 – Pushing and Birthing

Stage two is the stage where the mother pushes the baby out into the world. This is the part that is usually shown in birthing videos.

If you are paying attention, you should notice when transition ends and Stage 2 begins. She will be calmer, but tired. Depending on how things have gone so far, she may perk up, or she may just want to be done. Neither is “right”; be prepared for either.

During pushing, you need to encourage her, be a voice she can rely on, and help her (say, by helping hold a leg) as needed.

Encouragement is different than coaching. Reassure her she’s doing a good job. Acknowledge the work she’s already done and how tired she is. Remind her that the baby is almost here. You’re not her coach–you’re her birth partner, and you need to encourage her through this stage.

If the messy part of birth makes you queasy or offends you, stay where you won’t see it. There will be a lot of mess. Deal with any issues you have with the mess quietly, and make sure you don’t end up passing out or getting sick. You need to be physically and mentally there to help.

At the end of this stage, the baby emerges and…

Stage 3 – Placenta

…labor is almost but not quite done. Really, the hard part is done. The medical team will clean up baby and hand him/her over to you and the new mother. That’s where you’ll both be focused during this stage.

The placenta, non-technically speaking, is a thing that looks like a slab of liver that was very important to keeping Baby alive for the past nine months. Now that Baby has been born, the placenta wants to wave good-bye and set off on its own new adventures.

While the new mother is snuggling Baby, she will have a few more (usually mild) contractions. The medical team will do whatever they do with the placenta. Your focus can be on Baby and being excited that labor is over.

Some Other Internet Resources

Posted by matt on February 5, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Resources. Leave a Comment

This isn’t the only resource for being a good birth partner or understanding pregnancy and birth on the Internet. Here are a few other resources I’d recommend checking out:

The Art of Manliness ran a series called “A Man’s Guide to Pregnancy”. Start with How to Take Care of a Pregnant Wife, read about the gear you’ll need in Getting Ready for the Baby Bomb, and wrap up with information about helping with labor in Your Progeny Enters the World.

BabyCenter’s UK site has a good article on the role of a birth partner. In general, BabyCenter is a pretty good resource, with a lot of articles, newsletters keyed to baby’s delivery date, and online tools. Most are intended for mothers-to-be and mothers, but many will be useful for birth partners.

Mayo Clinic has some excellent articles about pregnancy, labor, birth, and related topics of interest to a birth partner. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to have a good starting page. If a Mayo Clinic link shows up when you’re searching for information, it’s a good bet.

WebMD’s Pregnancy Center is another good resource full of articles, videos, and online tools.

Just remember, whenever you find an article that worries you, sanity-check it with someone (a doctor familiar with the pregnancy in question, a friend that’s tried out the baby gear in question, etc).

Tough Enough to be a Birth Partner?

Posted by matt on February 2, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Motivation. Leave a Comment

“Heck no. I’m not good at that touchy-feely stuff. I’ll build the crib, but I’m a man, not some ‘birth partner’ person.”

Would it surprise you to know that some men view being a good birth partner as “touchy-feely” and not particularly manly?

Some men have that view because they understand themselves well. They realize that they are not naturally empathetic. They are used to powering through difficulty and getting things done. They understand that their strength and power don’t easily translate to being a good birth partner. They may not use those words, but those are the feelings they have.

Some men have that view because they are being selfish. Being a birth partner, whatever that is, kind of sounds like hard work. Besides that, it’s going to take preparation to be able to do a good job. They feel like being physically present in the birthing room should be enough, and that support from the doctors and nurses should be enough to get the mother-to-be through labor.

Most men have had some of those thoughts, both from selfishness and from self-understanding. Being a birth partner is not something that we get trained to do. It’s something we end up doing, winging it the whole time, and just hoping to get through it. We don’t like the idea of failing, but–being untrained and unprepared–we feel like we’re set up for failure.

And so we think of reasons we’re not qualified. Or too tough and manly to become qualified.

Absolutely understandable, guys.

Keep thinking about it, though, and you come to a different conclusion. Who better than a tough, manly man to do something difficult for someone he loves? Who better than someone used to powering through difficulty to be supportive and gentle and loving through a long and difficult labor? Who better than a man, knowing he can do pretty much whatever he puts his mind to, to put his mind to being the best possible birth partner he can?

That’s right, nobody better. Guys, who can do a better job than you, if you decide you’re going to do something? That’s right. Nobody. You–you–can be a great birth support person.

Think of it this way: your mission is to get this woman (your wife, girlfriend, etc.) through childbirth in the best possible physical and emotional condition. With a little bit of preparation and training, this is an achievable goal. You don’t have to read all of her pregnancy books or anything like that. Do some research on your own, or find a book focused on teaching birth partners exactly what they need to know, and get trained for your mission.

Once you’re equipped, you’ll be ready to demonstrate that you’re not just a tough guy. You’ll be ready to demonstrate that you’re tough enough to be an awesome birth partner.

Plan Ahead – Series Wrap-Up

Posted by matt on January 29, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Planning. Leave a Comment

This is the eighth and last in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.

This series has been all about planning ahead. In this series, on this blog in general, and in the Field Guide to Being an Awesome Birth Partner (the book), planning ahead is a major theme. You can’t be an effective, awesome birth partner if you’re reacting and learning as you go. The woman that you’re going to go through labor with deserves a birth partner that’s fully prepared to be awesome.

So, quickly, let’s recap what you need to plan for, according to this series.

From “The Drive“

Know which door at the hospital you’ll need to go to.
Plan your route.
Plan weather, traffic, and possibly construction alternate routes.
Stay calm.

From “Birth Plan“

Plans change.
Making a birth plan is important.
Planning with mother-to-be helps you understand her preferences.
Review the birth plan with her doctor.
Plans change.

From “Setting Up at Home“

Cheerfully help set up the nursery.
Install the car seat (and consider having it checked).
Get (and test) a contraction timer app.
Do your at-home set-up tasks well before baby’s due date.

From “Take Birthing Classes“

Take the “Labor and Birth” class.
Take the “Comfort Techniques” class.
Take the “Baby Basics” class.
Have parents/in-laws take the “Grandparents” class.
The classes have more benefit than just gaining knowledge.

From “Packing“

Pack as much as you can ahead of time.
Make a checklist for the things you’ll need to pack at the last minute.
Do your last-minute packing when you suspect labor has started, not really at the very last minute.

From “Know Her Situation“

The birth partner must understand the mother-to-be’s pregnancy situation and concerns about birthing.
Listen and learn without dismissing or trying to fix.
Be prepared to hear concerns about you, without getting defensive.
Having the conversation(s) is worth it.

From “Be Ready to Comfort“

A “Comfort Techniques” class is worth the time.
Discuss comfort techniques preferences with the mother-to-be.
During labor, her preferences may change. You will need to help find new effective comfort techniques.
Being prepared to physically comfort can help you be more prepared to emotionally comfort.

So that’s the series. I hope you will apply at least one bit of knowledge from each post so that you can be a more effective birth partner when the time comes.

For more information about planning ahead, checklists to help you plan ahead, and everything else you need to be an awesome birth partner (but without a lot of things you don’t need), buy a copy of the ebook Field Guide to Being an Awesome Birth Partner. It’s much more concise than blog posts.

Plan Ahead – Be Ready to Comfort

Posted by matt on January 26, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Comfort Techniques, Planning. Leave a Comment

This is the seventh in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.

Labor is difficult. Lots of things are going on with a woman’s body as she works to give birth. One of your roles as a birth partner is as a comforter. You will help her feel as comfortable, safe, and relaxed as possible, both physically and emotionally.

This post will mainly focus on providing physical comfort. That is not to say that emotional comfort is not important! In fact, it is even more important than physical comfort.

In this series, I have already suggested that you take a birthing class that covers comfort techniques. If you choose not to take such a class, at least find a list of comfort techniques somewhere so that you can try them out and discuss them. (I suspect that by the time you find a good resource that demonstrates or explains comfort techniques and have tried them out, you’ll have invested at least as much time as you would have in taking the class.)

Once you have tried out your potential comfort techniques on mother-to-be–so that she has a chance to experience them–the two of you need to have a discussion about them.

There are two basic questions that you can use at the start of a comfort techniques discussion:

Do you want us to use comfort techniques during labor?
Do you think you’ll want me to touch you (e.g. hold your hand, stroke your hair, hug you) during labor?

Most likely, she will want to at least try comfort techniques. And most likely, she will want some sort of physical touch to reassure her. If she does not think she will want to be touched, you should still discuss comfort techniques. Laboring mothers have been known to change their minds, and you need to be prepared.

You should ask her what comfort techniques she liked, and which ones she absolutely didn’t like. You should also ask which comfort techniques she thinks she’d like to try first during labor. Write these answers down so you can be sure of her answers later. You don’t want to be in the middle of labor, wanting to help her feel more comfortable, and asking yourself, “did she say she liked the hip squeeze thing, or was that the one she hated?” You want to be able to make a useful suggestion. “You really liked that hip squeeze thing. How about we see if that helps things feel better?”

Speaking of making suggestions, it would be a good idea to ask her how active she wants you to be with comfort techniques. She may want you to be very involved, actively making suggestions and helping her through each comfort technique. She may only want you to help when she asks. You should take mental notes on her preferences here. Now, you may end up making suggestions during labor, even if that was not her preference–so knowing her preference will help you phrase the suggestion more gently.

Please understand that during labor, as changes occur in her body, some techniques become ineffective and others suddenly become effective. Be willing to try, abandon, and re-try techniques as labor progresses. You may feel like you’re playing an unfair guessing game, but sometimes just trying will be comforting to her. And as an aside, the nurse may have suggestions if you start running out of ideas.

I said earlier that this post wouldn’t cover emotional support–and it really doesn’t much–but here’s a quick bonus: understanding her preferences and desires regarding comfort techniques will help you be more attuned to her and more responsive to her during labor. That will be emotionally comforting to her. She will be much happier if you suggest something she liked during practice, because she will know you listened and valued her.

Next up in the series: Plan Ahead – Series Wrap-Up

Plan Ahead – Know Her Situation

Posted by matt on January 22, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Conversation, Planning. Leave a Comment

This is the sixth in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.

Did you know that the woman whose birth partner you’re going to be has a pretty good idea of what her pregnancy situation is? Did you know she has birth-related concerns, and could list at least a few of them without thinking too much about it?

You probably know that. Those are pretty silly questions. Yes, of course she knows what’s going on with her.

How about you? Can you, without wandering off to think about it, give me a pretty good summary of her pregnancy situation? Can you list a couple of her concerns about giving birth?

If not, it’s time to have a conversation. You need to get inside her head and understand what is going on. A great American philosopher once explained that “knowing is half the battle.”

The point of the conversation is not to try to fix things or dismiss her concerns. The conversation should not go like this:

You: Hey, so I read this post that says I should know about your pregnancy situation and concerns, so let’s talk.

Her (feeling loved and valued, but slightly confused): Okay, I guess now works.

You: So, um, what are your concerns about giving birth?

Her: Well, I’m a bit worried about how much labor is supposed to hurt.

You: Psssh. Don’t worry about that. If it hurts too much, we’ll just get you an epidural. Didn’t Sally say that she couldn’t even feel it after her epidural?

Dismissing her concerns or trying to fix them will tell her that you’re not really interested, even if you’re incredibly interested, taking notes, and doing your best to understand every part of her situation and concerns. Yeah, it could be frustrating. Yes, it might not be an easy conversation to have. Yes, it will be worth it.

Ask her about her concerns. Ask her about how her pregnancy is going. Ask if her doctor has mentioned any potential complications (late-term head-up positioning, gestational diabetes, and Group B Strep come to mind as things that might worry her). Whatever concerns or complications she mentions, reassure her that you will be with her through the whole thing.

Now, she might have concerns about you.

You: Anything else you’re worried about?

Her (uncomfortable): Well, I don’t know…

You: It’s okay, you can tell me. What is it?

Her: Well, it’s just that…well…Sally said Mark thought the birth part was totally gross, and passed out so the doctor had to cut the cord instead of him and then the nurses were trying to take care of him so it took longer to get the baby to her and she didn’t know if the baby was okay or if Mark was okay and she was really worried and then they didn’t get any good pictures of them holding newborn Kayden and I don’t want that to happen!

Well. Good luck with that.

The way you handle her concerns about you will vary based on your relationship and experiences. A good response could be anything from “um, wait a second there, I’m a trauma surgeon, so birth will be a piece of cake” to “yeah, you’re right, maybe I’ll have to sit down by your head so I don’t see blood–you know how I get when I see blood”, to “I know, but this book you got me is helping me be completely prepared and ready to do the right thing, so even if I pass out I should do everything else right.” There are many possible responses. Just pick one that’s gentle and loving, not defensive and snotty.

No matter whether she has concerns about you, no matter what the potential complications, no matter what her pregnancy situation, your taking the time to understand her exact situation gives you two great benefits:

It strengthens your relationship with her. That’s valuable enough on its own. It will also help you be a more effective birth partner.
It gives you more knowledge so you can be better prepared.

Those benefits make the conversation (or multiple conversations) worth having.

Next up in the series: Plan Ahead – Be Ready to Comfort

Plan Ahead – Packing

Posted by matt on January 19, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Packing, Planning. Leave a Comment

This is the fifth in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.

Packing for the hospital is not complicated. It’s also not something that needs to be left until the last minute. Packing should be done in two sets, only one of which can be done ahead of time. You are packing for three people: mom, birth partner, and baby.

Packing – Round One

The first set of packing is straightforward. Pack everything that you’ll need for the hospital stay (typically two days, but check with your hospital to make sure) that you don’t need to have out. You probably don’t want to pack your eyeglasses, for example.

Before you start throwing things into suitcases, find or make a checklist of items to bring. I recommend the one in the book, though there are plenty of them out there. Basically, you’re packing for a two-day hotel stay in which people will be in and out of your room, and mother-to-be will likely be breastfeeding. Some things to remember:

Toiletries
This can be one of the more difficult things to pack, because you use those daily. It might be worth buying your next set of most things (toothbrush, shampoo, etc) and packing the new stuff.
Eye care (if you, like me, are not blessed with good vision)
Clothes
For the mother-to-be, comfy pants and tops are highly recommended. Nursing bras and tank tops should also be on your list. Besides the comfy clothes, pack an outfit for going home.
Pajamas suitable for wearing in public
Nurses will be in and out of your room, even when you’re asleep. They may lift up the covers to check on the just-became-a-mother. Don’t be like the guy I heard about in a birthing class who was surprised by the nurse pulling back the covers (to check on the mother) only to discover he preferred no pajamas at all. That’s just awkward all around.
Slippers or heavy socks
Camera and extra batteries
Cell phone(s) and charger(s)
Laptop(s)
Checkbook
Depending on your state, a check may be required for the birth certificate. Call your local hospital, or ask during one of the birthing classes.
Cash for vending machines (snacks)
Birth plan, notes from your Comfort Techniques class or other classes, the Field Guide book
Insurance card
List of people to call after the birth

Of course, you’ll want a few things for Baby:

Going-home outfit
Newborn pictures outfit (optional, and let’s be honest, Baby will be cute in any outfit)
Nursing pillow
Blanket
Car seat

Check with your hospital. Most likely, they will provide sleepers and hats for Baby during your stay. You may bring your own, but you will have to be careful that they don’t get put into the hospital laundry by mistake.

As you go through your packing checklist, write down everything that you can’t pack ahead. This will be your Last Minute Packing Checklist. It should be as short as possible. The fewer things you have to do when you decide it’s definitely time to head to the hospital, the better.

Last Minute Packing

You may not have a lot of time for last-minute packing. Or you may. Because you don’t know, keep your Last Minute Packing Checklist as short as possible (this is why it might be good to buy an extra set of toiletries). Keep it somewhere easy to find (taped to your suitcase?).

Before it’s time for last-minute packing, make sure you know where everything is (laptop: dining room table) and where it will get packed (laptop: computer bag kept in the hall closet).

You don’t have to wait until you’re absolutely sure labor has begun to do your last-minute packing. If you guess wrong, you’ll have to unpack. If you guess right, you’ll be ready ahead of time. Either way, when it’s time for last-minute packing go through your Last Minute Packing Checklist. Pack each item quickly and calmly. Now you’re fully packed, and ready to go have a baby!

Next up in the series: Plan Ahead – Know Her Situation

Plan Ahead – Take Birthing Classes

Posted by matt on January 15, 2014

Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Birthing Classes, Planning. Leave a Comment

This is the fourth in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.

The term “birthing classes” probably brings to mind a scene from a TV show or movie. Rows of women with round bellies are wearing sweats, sitting on yoga mats, leaning against their husbands who look like they’d rather be anywhere else. The instructor at the front of the room is explaining something that you can’t quite hear over the synchronized “hchee hchee hchoooo, hchee hchee hchoooo” breathing.

How the heck is that going to help anyone with anything?

Well, here’s the deal. And a spoiler warning first: (spoiler) TV and movies aren’t entirely accurate (end spoiler). Birthing classes have become more useful over the years. TV just hasn’t caught up.

These days, most hospitals offer some sort of birthing classes for expectant mothers and their birth partners. Some hospitals offer a deluxe menu of class options. Just figuring out which classes to take could be difficult. So here are my recommendations for the minimum classes to take, while still fully preparing yourself to be a great birth partner.

Labor and Birth
The basic Labor and Birth class covers the process of labor and birth. You’ll learn how to recognize labor when it starts, all about the different stages of labor and what to expect, and probably hear about dilation and effacement. There may be a birth video. This class may also include a brief tour of the facility and an explanation of hospital policies.
Comfort Techniques for Labor
The couple of hours you spend in this class will be some of the most valuable time you spend preparing to be an awesome birth partner. It will cover different techniques for making labor more comfortable. It may cover positions for labor and pushing, breathing techniques (but almost certainly not the “hchee hchee hchoooo” stuff), things you can do to reassure and encourage her or help make her comfortable, and possibly more. Seriously, take this class.
Baby Basics
If you have never taken care of a baby before, take this class. You’ll learn about diapering, bathing, feeding, soothing, swaddling, and generally caring for a newborn. In fact, even if you have taken care of a baby before, this might still be helpful in filling in gaps in your knowledge and learning the best ways to do things. Taking this class will help ease your mind about what to do after the birth, and let you focus on being a birth partner.
Grandparents Class
This one isn’t for you–it’s for the grandparents-to-be. Remember hearing about when you were little? You were birthed in the woods over a campfire, swaddled in asbestos, and soothed to sleep with a little bourbon mixed into your lead-lined baby bottle. Well, maybe it wasn’t quite like that, but birthing and baby-care practices have changed a lot since the grandparents-to-be were new parents. This class will bring them up to date on what you’re learning in your classes, and provide helpful hints for being the best grandparents they can.

There might be a little bit of overlap in material covered in some of these classes. That’s okay. Take special note of those items–anything covered in more than one class must be important.

Now, there are two major benefits to these classes beyond learning all kinds of really useful things. First, you are demonstrating to the mother-to-be that you are committed to being the best birth partner you can. That will be comforting to her throughout the birthing process. Second, you are able to observe how she reacts to various things in the classes (which comfort techniques she likes, which stage of labor she looks worried about, her comments on various pain management options). File those observations away–and maybe talk to her about them–because understanding her will be helpful to you in supporting her.

Now go sign up for classes!

Next up in the series: Plan Ahead – Packing

Field Guide to Being an Awesome Birth Partner

Everything you need to know to do a great job as a birth partner, without a lot of stuff you don't.