Some men think their role during birth is to be a “coach”.  In fact, there’s an entire childbirth method that is described as “father-coached childbirth“.

Unfortunately, the idea most guys have of a coach is different than what is needed during childbirth.  Many of us have had coaches in our lives that have pushed us to be stronger and better.  We’ve seen them in movies, pushing their teams beyond what they thought was possible (the coach from Miracle, yelling “Again!” as he pushes his team to the point of collapse, comes to mind).

Coaching has its place, but that place is not in a birthing room.  The “father-coached childbirth” method calls for “a loving and supportive coach” who goes through 12 weeks of training with the mother-to-be–which is definitely not the kind of thing that most men think of when they think about what “coaching” is.

During labor, a woman doesn’t need a coach calling out “come on now, we practiced this, power through and get it done!”  She needs a safe voice that she can trust.  She doesn’t need a coach focused on winning the game.  She needs a partner that will love and support her through the process.  (Besides, guys, let’s be real here:  coaches need to know the game, and you’re almost certainly no expert on labor and birth.)

If you must think of yourself as a coach, think of yourself as the best kind of coach for a youth sports team.  The outcome of the game doesn’t matter; what matters is that the players learn the game, have fun, trust the coach, and can’t wait to come back for the next practice or game.  The title is coach, but the role is a supporter, encourager, advocate, and cheerleader.

And if you really must think of yourself as a coach, you owe it to yourself and her to be as prepared as you can be.  The Field Guide to Being an Awesome Birth Partner is a great place to start.