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Help Plan the Nursery

Posted by matt on May 21, 2014
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“I don’t know.”

“They both look good.”

“Whatever you think.”

There are guys that articulate strong opinions about interior design.  Then there are most guys.  Include me with “most guys”.  It’s hard for me to visualize the color from a little paint chip covering a room, with a shelf installed right there, and those curtains…or maybe these, which do you think?  My answer usually starts with “um”, and gets less confident from there.

When it comes to planning the nursery, though, force yourself to have some opinions.  Getting involved in planning (and then, obviously, with implementing those plans) gives you a chance to have input, shows you’re engaged in the process of preparing for a new baby, and helps build your baby-related confidence.

You might wonder why having input is a good thing.  “Seriously, I don’t care, and I’m not good at this anyway, and I’m sure she’ll do better than I will, and…”  That’s fine.  Do you care about cost?  About organization?  About quality?  Find something you care about, and use that to start having some input.  (I enjoy actually painting rooms, but not all the work of emptying, prepping, and cleaning up–so overall I’m not a fan of having to paint.  So I came out strongly in favor of painting the nursery a nice gender-neutral green.)

Helping to plan also shows that you’re engaged in the process of preparing for the new baby.  Baby is coming, and will spend a lot of his/her first few months in the nursery.  Your wife (or girlfriend, or whatever the appropriate term is…) will be glad to see evidence that you’re not checked out on getting ready for baby’s arrival.  This will be helpful now (she won’t get grouchy with you for being checked out), during the birth (she’ll have seen you’re involved and be ready to trust you), and after the birth (again, she’ll trust your involvement and be more open to your input).

For you, there is also the benefit of building your confidence about things baby-related.  If you make a suggestion, implement it, and it works out, you’ll know it (that color looks great, good job!).  Even if your suggestion isn’t implemented, or it doesn’t work out (awww, that shelf isn’t quite big enough to display Baby’s full collection of Star Wars action figures), you’ll still have practiced making baby-related decisions, and discovered that you can recover from mistakes (usually–if you’ve made decorating-related mistakes that you can’t recover from, please explain in the comments!).So help plan the nursery.  She’ll probably do most of the planning, so help her out by offering your opinion when asked–even if you don’t have one!  And, more seriously, you might notice something she hasn’t thought of.  (“I know it’s cuter this way, but the dresser drawers won’t open all the way unless the glider is blocking the closet.  Let’s try putting the dresser over there.”)  If it helps, don’t think of it as a nursery.  Think of it as a maximally-efficient baby-care workflow environment.  Maybe that will help!

Plan Ahead – Setting up at Home

Posted by matt on January 12, 2014
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This is the third in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.

  1. Plan Ahead – The Drive
  2. Plan Ahead – Birth Plan
  3. Plan Ahead – Setting up at Home
  4. Plan Ahead – Take Birthing Classes
  5. Plan Ahead – Packing
  6. Plan Ahead – Know Her Situation
  7. Plan Ahead – Be Ready to Comfort
  8. Plan Ahead – Series Wrap-Up

Most men like having something tangible to do.  We feel a lot better if we can see we’re accomplishing something, instead of reading “this week in your pregnancy” emails and waiting.

Fortunately for men and female birth partners that have a handy inclination, there are usually some things that need to be done around home to prepare for a baby.

The Nursery

Obviously, you’ll need to help set up the nursery.  Assemble the crib, get the dresser moved in (just a bit to the left, no, too far, back a bit), hang pictures, set up the changing station, set up a bassinet if that’s part of the plan–all that is important.  It’s important to have it done so that baby has a safe and comfortable place to come home to.  It’s also important because having those things done will help mom-to-be feel cared for.  Her sense of being cared for and supported will set the tone for the birthing room.

(With that tone-setting in mind, here is a caution for guys who tend to grumble through the honey-do lists:  suck it up and do this stuff cheerfully.  You can negotiate a time that works well for both you and her, but don’t be a grump when you’re doing it.  When you’re on the field, have your “game face” on.  In this case, your “game face” is helpful, decidedly non-grumpy, and definitely non-resentful.  Think of this as practice, if you must.)

The Car Seat

Besides the nursery, install the car seat in whatever vehicle you’re planning to take to the hospital.  It’s not hard (after years of practice, I can install a baby car seat in a vehicle without latch in less than a minute).  Even though it’s not hard, it will take a while the first time you do it.  Make sure to read the manual.  Your baby (or if you’re a non-father birth partner, the baby of a woman you care about) is going into that seat.  In fact, read the manual for the car and the car seat, give yourself plenty of time, and get the car seat installed solidly.

Many communities offer free car seat safety checks.  Search for [your city name] car seat check, and you will probably find some information.  Your birthing center or your non-emergency police line may also be able to direct you to the right place.  The checks aren’t absolutely required, but they will give you peace of mind knowing that baby will be safe as possible in the car seat you just installed.

Once the car seat is installed, take one more step, just in case.  Find two clean towels and tuck them in a large, clean garbage bag.  Put the bag of towels in the car seat or somewhere else within easy reach.  You will probably not need them, but if the drive to the hospital becomes unexpectedly and messily eventful, you’ll be glad they’re there.

Contraction Timing

At some point, when labor starts, you’ll need to time contractions.  You can time using a clock (or watch, or timer) and paper, or you can use technology to help you out.

If you want to time by hand, search for “timing contractions”, or read about the basics of timing contractions.  Time a few imaginary practice contractions to make sure you understand the method.

Unless you have to, don’t time by hand.  Just don’t.  Get an app for your handheld electronic device of choice, or find an online contraction timer that works with your device.  Figure out how to use it.  It should be ridiculously simple.  It’s portable.  It frees you up from doing time arithmetic and lets you focus on supporting the lovely woman having contractions.

(With that in mind, don’t use the contraction timer app as a gateway to distractions.  Don’t switch from the contraction timer to a game or web surfing.  That’s not supportive, and even during a contraction, she will pick up on your drifting attention.)

Other Miscellaneous Set-Up Tasks

  • Put the doctor and/or hospital’s phone number in your phone
  • Help the mother-to-be arrange outfits, diapers, etc in the nursery
  • Pack as much as possible (this will be covered by a future post)
  • Arrange for someone to care for pets or already-born kids
  • Sign up for hospital birthing classes if they’re offered (this will be covered by a future post)

When?

Due dates are educated guesses based on statistics and calendars.  Baby’s due date is not the same as your target completion date.

Aim to have your set-up tasks finished a month before the due date.  Doing so will mean reduced stress for everyone as the due date approaches–or having everything ready if baby comes early.  Either way, planning to be set up early is a good idea.

Next up in the series:  Plan Ahead – Take Birthing Classes